The Triangle of Self Awareness

3 ways we stay reflective as leaders advancing justice

When I worked with young people at the Chicago Freedom School over a decade ago, we had a phenomenal trainer who would spend a day with our community every summer, leading a dynamic and thoughtful anti-oppression training. 

Dr. Troy Harden, now a sociologist at Texas A&M, led us through a number of exercises to help us understand the roots and effects of oppression in the most humane and respectful ways possible. 

Much of how I think we should understand oppression is influenced by the time I spent with Dr. Troy. 

He would end each training by drawing a large triangle on the floor with tape. Every person, young and old, would have to stand in one part of the triangle to share how they’d been impacted by oppression. Then, they would stand in a second part of the triangle to share how they’d contributed to oppression of others; and finally, they would stand in a third part of the triangle to share how they’d worked for liberation. 

I think about this exercise all the time, because to me, that’s what defines being truly self-aware as a leader who’s committed to advancing justice and equity. 

It’s not about staying in one part of the triangle… it’s about being able to stand in all three. 

Because if we stand only in the part where we recognize how we’ve been harmed by people and systems, we see and walk through the world feeling only victimization. And we can get stuck there. 

Image Description: (left) a woman leans forward with her elbows touching her knees, hands hiding her face; (right) a woman sits against a blank wall with her knees tucked to her body, hands covering her face.

If we stand only in the corner where we recognize how we’ve harmed others and participated in oppressed systems, we see and walk through the world feeling only guilt. And we know what Audre Lorde said about guilt…

“Guilt is not a response to anger; it is a response to one’s own actions or lack of action. If it leads to change then it can be useful, since it is then no longer guilt but the beginning of knowledge. Yet all too often, guilt is just another name for impotence, for defensiveness destructive of communication; it becomes a device to protect ignorance and the continuation of things the way they are, the ultimate protection for changelessness.”

--

Audre Lorde, "The Uses Of Anger: Women Responding To Racism" in Sister Outsider (1981).

Yet, if we only claim our power as activists, we see and walk through the world with self-righteousness. And no one wants to be around us, preaching at them all the time!

Image Description: A man in a suit jacket and tie addresses the camera with a microphone in his right hand. His left hand is raised and extended in explanation.

To me, true self-awareness as leaders who are committed to advancing justice requires that we understand our relationship to oppression in all three ways. 

With this knowledge we commit to: 

1) Healing from the impacts of oppression 

2) Being accountable for how we’ve harmed others, knowingly and unknowingly 

3) Working with compassion and deep humility to dismantle oppression in all its forms 

Image description: Self-Awareness Triangle: A green triangle with each point representing a different piece of self-awareness tied to oppression. (1 - top) Experiencing Oppression While Committing To Healing, (2 - bottom) Contributing to the Oppression of Others While Being Accountable (3 - right) Resisting and Dismantling Systems of Oppression with Empathy and Humility

If we truly commit to justice and equity from the inside-out, we have to embrace the wholeness of our experiences… as the oppressed, the oppressors, the liberatory fighters, and the free. This is what I’ve always believed when I heard and used the term “woke,” a word invented by Black people, intended to empower the historically oppressed.  

However, the co-opting of “woke” ignores its history and context by removing the intention and nuance and making it code for disparaging any work that acknowledges injustice, addresses systemic oppression, and asks for accountability. 

This type of grievance politics is designed to silence us and keep us from knowing and understanding history and its impacts. This is destructive to our own sense of self and the fabric of our communities. 

We should not be shamed into closing our eyes to injustice. 

Oppression thrives when we are checked out, so remaining awake (“woke”) is imperative. 

That’s why the work of advancing justice and equity with full self-awareness is not one-sided, but three. 

We’re called to do this work with personal commitments to simultaneously - 

1) care for ourselves

2) take responsibility for the harm we cause others

3) and work collectively & compassionately with others to dismantle systems of oppression

Inspired by Dr. Troy, I often end my training work with a nod to the triangle of self-awareness. I insist that our ability to stand in all three corners at once (and on a personal level) is essential to our ability to effectively build relationships, cultures, and systems that are more equitable and just.

Are you favoring one corner of the triangle over others? 

What might you need to pay more attention to as you work for justice and shared power? 

• Do you need to make space for more personal healing work? 

• Do you need to make an apology or take accountability in other ways, for past or current actions? 

• Do you need to deepen your empathy for others by remembering your own journey to understanding? 

• Do you need to approach your work with more humility, knowing that you still have work to do? 

I invite you to SHARE this post with a friend or colleague and discuss with them how you each might integrate a reflection on this triangle of self-awareness. 

APPLY TO YOUR WORK: 

In Michael Bungay Stanler’s book, The Coaching Habit, he talks about Karpman’s Drama Triangle, which I found to be similar in concept to the triangle of self-awareness - without the assumption of social justice values. This might be a useful application for you if you work (formally or informally) as a coach or manager. (I default to “rescuer” - I’m always trying to fix and help, not always aware of how I may have contributed to the problem or how the problem has affected me.)